Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
