Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize