school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
In America we eat man semen.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
