it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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