Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
