This is not my ceiling
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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