I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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