At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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