every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
