This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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