Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize