I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I cannot find my penis.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
