Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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