I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
