Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's shark week go big or go home
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
