yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize