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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.

  Fav 5 2822 821

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  The one in Montpelier?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.

  Fav 2 916 3156

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.

  Fav 17 1095 9136

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.

  Fav 17 4838 1399

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  haha i know

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?

  Fav 23 2858 898

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  We should reintroduce naked Mondays

  Fav 7 2588 1035

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day

  Fav 3 314 281

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• (323): View more from California

  Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips

  Fav 0 16 32

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