Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
