think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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