I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
