dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
