At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize