well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
nutella sex= disaster
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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