you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
