Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
