Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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