i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize