she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
