I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sorry about my life...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
