I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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