No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize