just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
