i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
