So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
