Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
