we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
