I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
