ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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