It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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