A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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