i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
