i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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