I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
