sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
