i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize