I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize