Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
