You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize