So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
