Dignity is for republicans.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
