So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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