Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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