Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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