We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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