I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize