i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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