Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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