I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
