3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
