The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
