i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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