I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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