Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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