i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
